Town of Killington Considers Changing Name to Shiffrinton

With a rich history of strange geographic stunts and ski racing fever temporarily overtaking the selectboard, the Town of Killington has hatched a plan to rename itself Shiffrinton.

“A while back we changed our name, again, from Sherburne to Killington, then we tried to leave the State of Vermont in some sort of protest, so folks expect this from us now,” said Killington Town Manager Sammy Hagar. “Maybe it can be like one of those temporary profile pictures. Can we be Shiffrinton for two months after every podium? We’re looking into it.”

With a year-round population of 771 and the recent World Cup bringing 40,000 visitors through the area, local officials see the name change as a way to potentially extend the economic benefits of the event.

The town of Killington first changed its name to Sherburne in 1800, then decided to change its name back to Killington in 1999. The town also tried to leave the state of Vermont, willfully ignoring the practicality of such a move, in 2004 and 2005. This latest salvo attempting to capitalize on Mikaela Shiffrin’s star power and dominant performances both globally and at the Killington World Cup fits a pattern for the town.

When asked about how the town would budget for changing all the signs, again, Hagar demurred and mumbled something about an option tax. Hagar then retreated to his Subaru which had large boxes of Barilla pasta and Bose headphones in the back seat, which he quickly covered with a blanket.

“They can call it whatever they want,” remarked local resident again in search of housing Jonny Shredbrah, while shoving his face full of happy hour food. “Just get the pipe open.”

Zander Basedepth moonlights as a podcaster for Wintry Mix